The Rogue Who Baffled The Cleric
by Rikkumorningstar
Summary: A Parody...sort of...about a rogue who can't seem to get it right and a cleric who thinks she's always right...


CHAPTER 1

A tall hooded Cleric followed a strange powerful energy into a cave not 10 yards from Kings Forest. Her name was Aztira Celsiernae, and though she followed no particular Deity, she was powerful in her own way.

She could tell without entering that there was a faint light source, though it was bright enough for her Elvin eyes to see with. She ventured in quite deep before noticing she'd lost track of the magical energy, almost like someone had suddenly switched it off. She also noticed it was much brighter this deep in the cave which greatly helped her to see the young female half-elf staring greedily at the glowing crystals lighting up the rooms walls and ceiling.

Aztira smirked and said, "Enjoying the scenery, or scoping out the place for a big haul?"

The suspicious half-elf jumped and whipped around while sputtering, "What-me-yes-wait no-uh-wh-why do you ask?" She gave a nervous laugh.

But before Aztira could give a reply (not that she had one) a strangled screech that reminded her of an Orc being tortured, sounded not far from where they stood. The half-elf cringed from its sheer volume.

They both scanned the current room they were in and spotted TWO Aboleths slithering toward them. Aztira thought this very strange since this creature was generally a solo traveler.

"Why are there two of them," squeaked the half-elf. "And why are they on land? They're supposed to be solitary aquatic creatures," she added, stating the obvious.

Aztira groaned and mumbled, "She's one of those people… Fantastic…" She turned to the half-elf and shouted when the creatures shrieked again, "If you don't know how to fight then now would be a really good time to miraculously learn!"

Positive that she had just been called stupid, she thought of stabbing the annoying woman (not that she could) but quickly buried the thought, understanding that she would need her help if she hoped to survive…

The first Aboleth, slightly larger than the other, lashed out a tentacle at the young half-elf but missed by a mere inches, the sheer speed of the attack blowing the hair from her face.

The second Aboleth mimicked the other's attack but this time against the Cleric who simply sidestepped rendering it another miss.

The Aboleths appear angry but watch warily as the half-elf steps forth obviously determined to prove what she's NOT a useless stupid!

The Cleric eyed her curiously as the half-elf pulled out a starknife from her tattered cloak. Aztira wondered if she may possibly be a Rouge of some kind. She observed as the young woman skillfully aimed and then threw the weapon and almost felt sorry for her when it only grazed the skin of the larger Aboleth.

 _My turn_ , she thought, unsheathing her Scimitar and maneuvering herself within range.

The Cleric swung a downward slash at the second smaller Aboleth and managed to slice a shallow but lethal wound into its left fin.

It momentarily flopped about, screeching that awful sound while the first one moved in for its second attempt.

It lunged and lashed out at the half-elf, who at the moment was stupidly trying to see what had upset the smaller one, but failed as it seemingly tripped over nothing and impaled itself on a short very sharp stalagmite. However, this did not kill it. It didn't go deep enough to do much more than just greatly piss it off.

The smaller Aboleth regained its composure and slashed out at the now startled half-elf but missed as she stumbled back and fell, her head aiming for a very jagged rock. She curled up and quickly rolled to the left and then got her head lodged in a thick gooey puddle of mud.

Aztira who had been shocked by the tremendous blunder of the first Aboleth was utterly blown away by the disaster that was this girl.

Understanding that it was now up to her to save them, Aztira ran at the larger Aboleth (still trying to dislodge the stalagmite from its backside) and aimed a skilled attack at its right fin that completely sliced it off.

All the while the smaller of the creatures gazed hungrily at the bouncing butt of the struggling half-wit.

It quickly slithered the ten feet between them and as it slashed at her it gracefully missed and its tentacle slipped into the mud causing it to do a mud face-plant two inches from her and suddenly the room was filled with the muffled shrieks of the quickly becoming hysterical half-elf rouge.

Seeing she had no other option, Aztira rushed to the aid of the trapped rouge and commenced to attack the mud trapped Aboleth.

At first she just stared at the dancing behinds of the two frightened creatures. Though, when she sensed the other larger Aboleth approaching she quickly sliced at the squirming one and then pulled with all her might at the waist of the rouge and then finally from what she could only assume was sheer dumb luck, the rouge's head dislodged, her neck unbroken.

Now, her shrieks no longer muffled, the room seemed to reverberate with the noise and Aztira had to give her a quick hand-to-face to help her see she was finally safe (well…saf-ER anyway).

A tentacle shot toward the Cleric and she had to spin to her left in order to avoid being hit. She was now out of reach and groaned in irritation as the rouge ran to where her starknife had fallen. As she retrieved the weapon she rolled across the ground to get closer and then threw it at the still trapped Aboleth, slicing through its already injured fin.

It screeched in pain which became louder as it finally managed to free itself from the mud hole.

Aztira, becoming quite fed up with the entire situation, turned to face the larger Aboleth who was still struggling with the stalagmite though abruptly stopped and stared at the Cleric now summoning her powers.

"I beseech thee, spirits of the Fire Domain! Grant me your magic and surround with your flames my enemy!"

A force seemed to crackle around her and then swirl in the form of a raging flame.

Needless to say, she had effectively frightened everyone in the room…including the rouge.

Aztira raised her arms out before her and the flames shot forward and erupted against the stalagmite still lodged in the backside of the larger Aboleth. The rock shattered, sending shards both inward and outward. The creature shuddered with pain and now fully enraged, slithered in for retaliation.

Though, instead of attacking the Cleric, it went straight for the still slightly alarmed Half-elf. But of course it missed, however, the rouge continued to be entirely unrouge-like and avoided being hit only to land her left foot in another mud hole.

The rouge refused to let this slow her down and this time skillfully aimed another starknife at the smaller Aboleth and threw it, inflicting a major wound to its middle eye.

It shrieked in a manner that caused both the rouge and cleric to wish they had gone deaf.

Aztira, knowing the creature was close to Berserking, rushed at it with an attack she hoped would stop it.

She raced forward, leapt into the air and brought her Scimitar crashing downward in a triangular motion, inflicting three critical wounds upon the already writhing creature. It collapsed into unconsciousness just as her feet touched the ground.

However, she realized too late her grave miscalculation as the larger, now fully Berserked Aboleth charged at the Half-elf rouge.

Having seen that it would now have to fight them both alone had frightened it so horribly that it had completely Berserked.

Aztira pinched the bridge of her nose to squelch the impending migraine. _Of course! How stupid of me,_ she thought. _A frightened animal is_ always _more dangerous than one that is brave!_

This time the Aboleth's tentacle made a direct hit. Not fatal, but still with enough force behind it to dislodge the rouge's foot and send her flying. She curled up and flipped thru the air and landed on her feet and then on her face for her left boot was again stuck in the mud leaving her quite unbalanced.

Most likely from fatigue, the Cleric burst into laughter, which greatly angered the rouge as she slowly maneuvered herself back to her feet. The rouge then, kicking off her other boot, rushed toward the unconscious Aboleth and snatched up her starknife and then proceeded to throw it at the charging one.

The weapon seemed to shoot from her hand as it instantly lodged itself into the creature's stalagmite wound and disappears deep within. She then pulled a third and forth knife from her tattered, muddy cloak and shot them both at the shrieking squirming Aboleth. One of the blades ricochets off the cave wall and shot past Aztira's face, which brought her laughing to an abrupt end, on its way to the now conscious Aboleth, hitting it square in the throat at the exact moment the other blade lodged itself into the larger one's brain. They both burst into water before evaporating into a frigid mist.

Gold pieces and healing potions magically appeared in the spots of ground the creatures' bodies just vacated. And as the rouge squealed and eagerly rushed forward to snatch it all up, Aztira sighed in annoyance as she turned and left to begin again her search for the strange magical energy.

Though, not wanting to be left there alone, the half-elf rouge quickly pocketed everything, including her four weapons, and with one final squeak of glee she jumped up and rushed after the retreating form of the mysterious Cleric.

On the way out of the cave they both spotted, on the cave wall, a suspicious looking talisman hanging from a slightly tarnished silver chain. Aztira snatched it before the rouge, who had finally introduced herself as Christeu, could get her greedy hands on it.

Aztira narrowed her eyes at the other woman and said, "This is no mere Treasure Trinket. It does not belong in the hand of a dirty THIEF!"

Christeu scoffed with difficulty at the alluring woman and said, "Excuse me? Dirty thief?!"

But Aztira did not hear her for she had already exited the cave and was heading back through Kings Forest to the nearest city of Cormyr.

In a sudden surge of anger from being ignored, Christeu shrieked and then rushed after her in a manner she HOPED was stealthy. I mean, come one, her reputation as a "clean" thief was hanging in the balance.

The Cleric ran very fast and Christeu almost gave up from impending fatigue, but she could not ignore that that item the Cleric had, Talisman? was the whole reason she had braved Kings Forest in the first place and that if she didn't manage to obtain it before the Cleric reached Cormyr, then the lord who had hired her would make real his threats for her failure.


End file.
